karaoke and human psych...

Weird juxtaposition of words, eh? Went to karaoke for the first time (and hopefully last time:P) in my life yesterday...good thing I had my pocket pc to rescue me:) Actually, not that bad...there were five of us in a room...pretty expensive, especially for a non-singer...well, I do sing...but thankfully for the rest of civilization, not in public...so in my humble opinion, it is more economical to sing in the shower...it's free, there are no witnesses (as the running water drowns out any evidence of this occurrence)...and best yet, one is clean afterwards...nothing like killing achieving multiple ends...now that is what I call efficiency!...but I digress. The silly thing about it was we were charged for hot water!...gotta love that! Went to Railway Club after dinner...that is a cool place! Live music...a dude named Chin was playing...the main act didn't show up (turned out for the better though)...good ol' rock...with some gospel/rap mixed in...really cool, can't say enough about that:)

Now, human psychology:P...have always considered myself somewhat of a hack in this domain...but it is immensely interesting to observe other people. There are a number of reasons for this: 1) by seeing how people react in different situations gives me an idea about what kind of people they are - I believe that our actions define who we are; and 2) by learning about others and what they do, we can learn about ways to make ourselves better and/or learn from their mistakes. You see...I have learned many lessons the hard way in my life...and hopefully, at least in the last few years, I have grown up a bit...I hope I can learn differently. By being a student of history, both of my own and of others, I hope I can be smarter...if that is possible:P...as some say I have no hope in that category either:(

Anyhow...of the five of us there, 3 girls and 2 guys...I knew everyone except for a couple...the guy was a poster boy for, what I call, "little big man syndrome"...for those who aren't familiar with this...typically it occurs in individuals of smaller physical stature (although he wasn't that short)...it seems that they compensate, sometimes overly so, by speaking and laughing louder than others...trying to exert their alpha male status...having to dominate all forms of conversation, irrespective of whether they are knowledgeable in this area or not...and generally speaking, have to demonstrate their "big man" status... How was that for a psych profile...ok, ok, I may be a bit stereotypical here...:P

Truthfully, I got more than enough of this last night...this example I thought was very interesting...the guy's gf really wanted to go to a club after dinner (this was at 8:30 pm or so)...I dislike clubs (they seem to be like meat markets to me, but that discussion is for another day, methinks) but was ok with the idea...after all, in certain venues, alcohol is my best friend:P The other girls liked the idea too...but he, citing the fact that the stock markets opened early so he had to be up at 5 am the next morning...nixed the idea...his gf (along with the others) were clearly disappointed...despite my "gentle" suggestion that we go for a short time close to his place, he was adamant about this - I gave up (some battles aren't worth fighting...a sign of maturity OR a sign of my being intimidated...who knows?:P)...so we went to the Railway Club for some drinks instead...at 11:30 pm, when we left...this individual and his gf were still there...like I said, interesting...

Ok, enough of sharing the garbage in my brain for the day...

friends and lovers...

Am having a bad case of writing diarrhea today...get it?...haha:P

Had lunch with a couple of colleagues the other day...one of them has been married for a dozen years...actually, he married young...at 23. So, my other colleague asked him what his secret was...the answer...it is simple...be very good friends. He said that to him, it is ok to date different people...but the one who you marry...make sure the two of you are friends...because that friendship will last longer than the passion of love, which will undoubtedly subside. This got me thinking...

Read this a little while ago...take it however you may (am skeptical about singular pieces of research, so will take this into consideration, along with a grain of salt:P):
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4478040.stm

The passion of love...the "freshness" of someone new...it is undoubtedly exciting...I think few would argue here. To be honest, I don't have that much dating experience...actually, lack confidence in this area...a girl could kick me in the butt and there would be a significant probability that I would misconstrue her meaning, but I digress:)...so, once again, this is mostly my musings about this "black box." Before I started dating, I had no idea about what love was...now that I am older...and more (or less) mature...I can appreciate its definition a little more...you see, I believe there are different kinds of love...in chinese, there are (at least) two ways to describe this concept..."oy ching" and "gum ching."

Some equate love with breathlessness...with the yearning to be near someone...being impatient to see them once again...yada, yada, yada... I look at it differently...I hope for something that will lend me strength when I feel weak...idealistic, I know. I hope that, if one day, there is a girl silly enough to marry me...that she will not only be a companion for the road of life, but will also be my best friend...one to share all the weirdness of my little world with...who will exhibit patience when I am unreasonable (often)...bring me up when I am down (not often:P)...and will forever challenge me...and I will do the same for her...but enough silly thoughts for one day...haha;-)

sandwich drive - Dec 24, 2005...

This year, a group of us decided to do something for the people in the Downtown eastside...we would pool our money together and see how many lunches we could make...and then go and hand them out on Christmas eve.

$400+ collected
320 boxes of orange juice
192 packs of Dad's oatmeal cookies
27 loaves of brown bread
13 cases of mandarin oranges
10+ packs of chocolate and candy canes
5 jars of Smucker's
4 containers of Nutella
3 boxes of gloves "borrowed" from work
1 Friday night spent at Costco, Superstore, Home Depot and Canadian Tire

time needed to make sandwiches: 2.5 hours
number of volunteers who woke up early Saturday morning: 10
food fights started: 0
time it took to hand out the lunches: 20 - 30 mins

no. of people who didn't have to worry about 1 meal for 1 day: 200+

When it was all said and done, it was a blast! I know that this is only one meal...and that there are many more who will go without that...however, in a small way, I think we made a difference. Is it enough? Certainly not! But it was a start...it may only be a drop in the ocean, but if there are enough of them, it may one day amount to something...and it was a great way to spend half a day with an incredible group of people!

i hate "after"-christmas too...

Spent the past two days shopping with friends...Boxing Day at Brentwood and Metrotown...at the latter, literally a sea of humanity bent on spending their hard-earned money (and even money they have yet to earn) on all the "specials" that are available in every store. Granted, some things are cheap, but most are the leftovers, discontinued stock, etc. that stores are trying to get rid of...and I can't help but think that with some people, they may not even need what they buy...but can't resist b/c it is such a "deal." Sigh...such is the consumer culture we live in today, I guess. Didn't buy much...got lunch, which was good...and shoes...no electronic toys, nothing...though, to be honest...just bought my Pocket PC:P...haha...maybe I am just as guilty:)

The sad thing for me is that it is clear that this phenomenon known in one iteration as the "post-Christmas blues"...it does exist...people spend exorbitant amounts of money before Christmas (for others?)...and then just as much (or more) after Christmas (for themselves?)...maybe just the way I was brought up...or maybe a product of my experiences...but hard for me to fathom spending a great deal of money that I don't have...

...anyway, just a rant:)...plus I detest malls (especially ones with lots of people)...and don't like shopping...and I am anti-social...bad character traits, eh?...haha:P

i hate christmas...

Haha...actually, I don't...I like the idea of Christmas...of being with family and friends...even though I am anti-social:P I like the idea of putting up a Christmas tree...something I never did as a kid...I like the idea of snow falling on Christmas day...of throwing snowballs...of the cold air of the season filling my lungs and making me feel alive...the warmth of the lights adorning the houses in the neighbourhood...some may feel that this isn't what the idea of Christmas truly is...and that is fair...it is simply my idea.

Some people detest this season...perhaps because of bad experiences, or lack of good ones, in times past...I can say that I know a little of that. However, for me, maybe these experiences mean more to me as motivation...not to lament all that never was...but to rejoice in all that could be...sometimes better to look ahead and smile, then to look back and frown...

But to be honest...I really don't like malls...and the commercialization of Christmas...it's all about buy, buy, buy... I like my "toys"...I don't want to wait for Christmas to buy them...so it irritates me when others do:P Mall parking lots are especially bad places for me...I tend to unleash a level of vocabulary that is usually not spoken in more civilized circles...perhaps that is why I am not a member of these aforementioned groups:) By the time I am fortunate enough to find a parking stall (often so far away from my destination that I need to draw a map to find my car afterwards, lest I be forced to take transit home and find myself squished into a Skytrain with a car-load of other irate people revelling in the Christmas spirit...but I digress:P)...I find myself in a sea of humanity, seemingly quite content with charging so much on their credit cards, they will spend the next 5 months to pay it off. But of course, like with anything else, there is always a silver lining...sometimes one just has to look hard enough...these people will have about 7 months or so to earn enough money to offset some of their next Christmas's purchases:P Ah, nothing like the "circle of life"...(used entirely inappropriately here...but why not, methinks:P)

Ok, enough garbage for the moment...have to go eat dinner now...till next time, enjoy the wonder of the season... ;-)

seeing the beautiful in the simple...

Am in a weird mood tonight...it's past midnight...and my mind is crystal clear...it seems to possess a clarity that eludes me most days:)

These days, it seems, as we all get older...we are becoming more and more jaded...weary from all that weighs us down. As our experiences grow, our idealism fades...as our careers progress, seemingly our ability to dream declines. Is it simply me?...or do others see the same? It seems the more I learn about this world...the more the realistic side of me yearns to break free...because that is how I see this world we live in...as a place filled with too many realists, and too few dreamers. I prefer to dream...

Sometimes I feel that the more we accept what life has to offer and settle, so to speak, for the cards we are dealt...it seems we lose, bit by bit, without our noticing, our ability to appreciate the beauty of possibilities...to be able to see something that isn't...and be able to ask "why not?" You see, a child...without knowing even a fraction of what I do...can peer out at the world...and see it for what it is...a mysterious place...where what we know is only an infinitesimal percentage of what we could know...where the power of nature is not simply reduced to sound bites on the daily news hour...where the brilliance of the sunset is not reduced to the physics of light refraction or more importantly, obscured by the urge to beat rush-hour traffic. For that child...he retains the ability to ask why?...and why not?...and still marvel at the beauty of it all...and to imagine a vast world of possibilities...and not one restrained by limitations. So, perhaps in a way, we are all dying a little bit each day...

For me...as silly as some may think I am...I prefer to dream...and that, in my humble opinion, is a beautiful thing... :) I hope I never lose that...

frustrated...

Sigh...will refrain from completely losing my temper...late at night, not worth it. Some days I wonder if I am simply too nice...or too responsible...or just simply too stupid. My dad has not worked a day in 13 years...yet he complains about how selfish I am. Through all the hard times of trying to balance school and work...always knowing that without the latter, there wasn't going to be the former...that there wasn't going to be food on the table...or money to pay the rent...after all those days, I look back and think how they shaped me into the man I am now. So in that way, I am not bitter about the path I took...all my friends had an easier time...because to be honest, I am happy - what counts the most is that I made it to here and now...and I did all I could for my family. And some days, it would be nice if my family could appreciate that...just a little...for the sacrifices that I did make. No, I am not perfect...I can be selfish...but I am not entirely so when it comes to family - maybe I am traditional in this regard...who knows? And though it makes me sad...I think it is time to take the other road...as Frost said...the one less travelled...

stupid people...

Ok, this will be a rant...nothing more, nothing less...just some things to get off my chest. And yes, I am fully capable of complaining.

Why is it that managers are often so stupid? Is it because they are stupid, that they are managers?...because they are incapable of doing or thinking anything half-intelligent - seemingly the means by which to get promoted at my company...the greater the incompetence, the larger the paycheck! Shiite!!! Admittedly, I am not the brightest crayon in the box...far from it...however, there are some things that are common sense to me...yet however, even the simplest, of the simple, ideas seem to elude my supervisors. For example, why is one person, who has no experience or ideas of his own, made the leader of a group...where the most ignorant happens to know more than he does? And his idea of supervising the group is to micro-manage the minutest detail of each member...clearly the most suitable method to bringing out the best and the most creative ideas from any one individual!

To be honest, I suppose I shouldn't complain so much...no point in getting myself worked up over this. After all, if I cannot change it, I should just let it go. Some days, easier said than done...some things I take pride in...and am a perfectionist, albeit a procrastinating one at that:P So end up getting frustrated... Sigh...such is life I guess...as Tom Petty said "some days are diamonds, some days are rocks"... :(

snowshoeing and the little things in life...

Only a short blurb this time:P Went snowshoeing at Mount Seymour today, was really cool...though it almost didn't happen. I should have known better than to try to drive my car up with no snow tires or chains:) But I did expect the roads to be better...in the end, managed to get up there though...that's all that counts, right?

The trails were really nice, very few people...the air was clean and cold (made me feel alive)...the snow was falling...the silence only broken by our steps...and my gf's incessant chattering...or was that me? Hmmm...

The coolest thing for me though, was to fall backwards onto a snow drift...look up at the sky...and watch the snowflakes come down...then closing my eyes and feeling them melt on my face...one of the small things in life that make it worth living, methinks... ;-)

at last, I am free...

Only figuratively of course...am still trapped full-time in the rat race:)

Finally done with the LSAT...with the final pages closing on the exam, so too do my hopes of law school...actually not that gung ho about law...only see it as a means to an end...yes, I too can be practical...surprising to some, methinks. Maybe one day, if I do go down this road, it will turn into a passion, but now...hell no!!!

The LSAT study process was an interesting one...not for the fact that I was extraordinarily motivated...but for the fact that I managed to set up my hardware firewall, try out numerous bitTorrent clients (Azureus is my current favourite - though I still dislike BT considerably, but I can't argue with the selection...and just a note, I don't download anything illegal) and test drive the PalmOne Life Drive PDA (which is quite poor, considering it is the flagship of the PalmOne lineup - but for some, the 4 GB hard drive is what the doctor ordered). How's that for a long, convoluted sentence:P My writing skills have always been second to none...I must qualify this statement as only being true under a unique circumstance - that I am the last person alive on this planet;-) Once again, I am off on one of my weird tangents...haha, but that is what makes life interesting, methinks...non?!? Or shall I say, my weird ponderings are what make my mundane existence less drab:)

All of this was done in the course of the 3 days I took off from work to "study." But for those who have the goods on me...the term "study" often has a unique meaning for me...it is quite amazing how interesting a pad of PostIt notes are when I have made up my mind to staple my butt to my chair...literally, amazing! And my study guides...well, they are still in pristine condition (well almost, I did go over part of one of the included practice exams - but I didn't finish, as I got bored)...haha. Well, once I get the official recommendation to pursue a different career choice in 3 - 4 weeks time, I will once again have to decide what I want to do when I grow up...because it is quite obvious that I have a ways to go...sad, eh?

It's funny actually...even though I studied precious little, quite a few remarked how relaxed I was...I suppose the old adage that ignorance is bliss applies in my case...again, I digress. Even the day of the exam, there were a few butterflies at the beginning, especially when only 1 out of 10 invigilators checks people in (the other 9 are shooting the breeze; the process took almost 1.5 hours for approx. 100 people)...perhaps this is part of the selection process too...to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak...oh well, I think I failed that part too...good thing I had an extra pair of Depends with me...or it would have been a long day for those who were fortunate enough to be in my presence:P

Hmmm...what shall I do now? Back to work tomorrow...back to dreaming about working the fryer at my neighbourhood MickyD's...mmm, Chicken McNuggets...sigh...after all these years...I have still yet to realize my ultimate dream! :(

Enough garbage for the time being... :P

being a responsible son...

Some days, am tired...am torn between doing what I think is right for my family and what is right for myself. Perhaps this is the "Chinese" part of me...I try and do the right thing for my dad and my sis, even though, seemingly it is never enough. Won't go into all the sob story details...don't really want to make this into a sad case of whining...but these days, I am not sure where my responsibilities as a son end and where my responsibilities to myself begin. If it were someone else, the matter would be simple...but for me, am not sure if my consideration of the latter point is too selfish...

Martin Luther King, Jr. once said very aptly "[t]he time is always right to do what is right." I am simply faced with the task of deciding what that is...

Just a rant... :(